And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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