You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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