But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
