I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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