I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
