if you like me you must not know who I am
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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