i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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