Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to make out with him forever
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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