I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
