Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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