i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
