...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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