I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
