"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
