I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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