so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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