Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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