Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
