a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
