after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
