im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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