Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
50% drunk capacity currently
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
