so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
