we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
