to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
