i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
