the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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