Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize