well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
