so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
