they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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