Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize