Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
