i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
