I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
