Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
