I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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