Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
