we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i barfeds in our rink
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
