i jhust puked up my retainher.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
