Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
