I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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