i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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