Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
