after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're a waste of cheezeits
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
