i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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