how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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