singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
