We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
