if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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