Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
