my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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