We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot