The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?