I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
