first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
A bitchslap is in order.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
