I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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