just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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