hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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