youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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