I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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