That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how drunk are you?
Several
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
