And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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