You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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