You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
