Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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