I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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