my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
