After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
