11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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