She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
