When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
