just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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